F.I.E.S. WORLD CUP

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F.I.E.S. Internet World Cup
(Fédération Internêtionale Empathic Soccer)
F.I.E.S. World Cup.png
F.I.E.S. Wordl Cup logo and "Deprimet Cup"
(click for fool resolution)
Ajinomoto Stadium.jpg
Ajinomoto Stadium: Home sweet Home
General Information
Founded 2006
Sector Society for Empathic Football
Central Committee BatCave under the Ajinomoto Stadium
Chōfu, Tokyo (Japan)
Table-Woman Shinobu Miyake
(the real CEO)
Chair-Man Beruhiko Pizuru
(the fake CEO)
Dick-Head Sgt. Hartman
(yeah, dick-head)
World Cup
Sport Empathic Football
Nr. of teams 48
Current Champion Francy (Answer to Life.pngnd title)
Most succesful teams - - -
- - -
Started 2006
Disestablished NEVER!
Website All Your Intharnet Are Belong To Us
Awards
Uncyclopedia Puzzlepotato aqua.png Noob of the Moment May 2013
Elsewhere Jolly Roger (Edward England).png Wanted of the Moment
(Dead or Alive, Reward 55,000 $)

Da War! Da Fuckin' Dodal Waaaaaaaar!!!!!!

~ World Cup Battle Motto

F.I.E.S. World Cup (acronym of Fédération Internêtionale Empathic Soccer), aka the Internet World Cup (インターネットワールドカップ), is an ancient sport institution for the "Empathic Football" based in Tokyo, Japan. It is the only one in the Solar System organizing the homonym World Cup in which every nerd and dumb from The Net can take part.

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png History F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png General view F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Started on 20 December 2006 in France, it originally included 16 teams using a formula of 4 stages (Group Stage -4 groups with 4 teams-, Quarterfinals, Semifinals, 3rd Place Final and Final). From the 17th edition the teams included were 24, adding the Eightfinals and enlarging the groups of the 1st stage from 4 to 6. From the 22th edition the cup included 32 teams enlarging the groups from 6 to 8. From the 46th edition the cup transcluded 40 teams and finally, from the 550th edition (with a relay period until the 588th), 48 teams. The current formula is of 5 stages (Group Stage -8 groups with 6 teams, 2 qualified-, Eightfinals, Quarterfinals, Semifinals, 3rd Place Final and Final). The 50th edition was held in Argentina on 12 October 2009, the 100th in Japan on 22 February 2011, the 150th again in Japan on 29 April 2013, the 200th in Brazil on 30 September 2013, the 250th in France on 15 May 2014, the 300th in Germany on 17 March 2015, the 350th in Russia on 13 June 2015, the 400th in Great Britain on 2 January 2016, the 450th in China on 22 May 2016, the 500th in Japan on 20 December 2016, the 550th in Italy on 18 February 2018... The 600th in Spain in early 2019... Zzz... Really boring, ain't it?

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Jurassic Dark F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

The World Cup started casually in late 2006, as all the great world events. In the origins the organization was very poor and simple. Champions were several, without a real and structured ranking: by the way, it was a mess! Following the enlargement from 16 to 24 teams and the institution of the "Round of 16", the cup gained the first successes and international fame. It is in that period that the famous Hall of Fame Eternal Book was created, to record any statistics for the eternity. After a difficult work in the archives of "The Tokyo Chart" any cup record before book's creation was finally found and transcribed. It is in that period, in the middle of of 2008, that the famous registration tables using accurate color systems appeared, to substitute definitively the old rudimentary ones. So the cup continued with a better structured organization and various random champions, experimenting also the enlargement from 24 to 32 teams, due to its success.

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Rise of Francy F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

In the summer of 2009 it was decided for the (not actually) final enlargement from 32 to 40 teams. It is in that period, with the advent of teams as Mylan, Step4, Karalij and principally Francy, that the cup evolved and came a professional turning with a structured ranking. The reign of Francy, the Brazil of F.I.E.S. World Cup, which still continues in the hall of fame (hmmmm...), changed event's appearance. This period, expecially betwenn 50th and 100th edition, is widely considered[by wohm? By "The Chart" and that's enough, noob!] as the First Renaissance of the cup. But nothing is forever and, while the Empress was slowly vanishing, several and strong challengers appeared to the door, trying to steal the throne. Meanwhile, Tokyo celebrated the hundredth edition, it was the February of 2011.

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Challengers Era F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Yes, it was a period of bloody finals. "I pity the fool who really believed to climb over Francy"

Few after the centenary it started a new era made of bloody and extreme battles between the possible successors of the Empress: teams as Yapster, Seaman, Ransie, Dj Dante, Trixie, Morar, Tychy, Waldenstein, Phantox or Sper tried in epic battles during all 2011 to affirm their dodal supremacy over the ranking. The fuckin' total war, as the motto said, arrived and, time by time, few of them survived. 2012 starts uncertain, and the end of the summer the shadow of a crisis of awareness and participation hovered over the cup. The last super challenger, Phoera, record winner of 5 consecutive cups and able to vanish after it, confirmed the crisis. In the eve of 6th anniversary the World Cup was under a period of dark crisis and the war machine seemed to stop.

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Second Renaissance F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

As well as a phoenix rising from the ashes, the F.I.E.S. World Cup experienced its second renaissance just before the spring of 2013: new mythological figures as Mr.Pacman, Zoompaperry, Valmond, Growcho, Monkey Dee, Nightee, Brad, Nomosa, Toxyk, Naike, Baltar, Mgowa, the GangBand (or Wunderteam) joined the cup along with Dj Dante, Francy and Morar that never abandoned the event, just shortly before the 150th edition. New compelling challenges started, as demonstered in the epic and neverending 155th final in Beijing between Dante and Pacman, surely the strongest candidates for the "crown" and now international football legends. This 2nd Renaissance is marked also by the reaching of new technological heights: new experiments, new material, the crappy sponsors, total renewal and Total Recall. During the British 157th edition, the cup reached a new world record: for the first time a clever and self-conscious android, Cleverbot, was considered able to partecipe... and to win! Not only for humans, very well. And, as a motto said: Be Inhuman, Be F.I.E.S!

Aniway, during this glorious era, the cup assisted to the spectacular returns of Fraancy and Trixie after the unbelievable successes of Zoompaperry, to the first World Cups hosted outside Earth (Moon and Mars), to the constitution of a Web Radio, a personal Space Agency, the rise of a clever bot that knows sarcasm... and to the evil dominion over the sport-world... Remember our motto: Be Inhuman, Be F.I.E.S!

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Pro Evolution Era F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Starting from 2013's "Second Renaissance", and evolving during 2014, the professional level has increased, growing exponentially season by season. The implementation of more and more sophisticated technical tools, helped the "UNselection". Starting from 2015, the year that produced less new winners (a.k.a. the holders of the "Bâton du Noob"), we can speak of a Pro(fessional) Evolution Era, natural and gradual evolution of the World Cup itself. Following this evolution, in 2018, the torunament expanded from 40 to 48 teams, allowing one more team in each of the 8 group in the first stage. So, who will dare to resist to the unstoppable evo? Of course, only the national empathic football teams that will understand one of F.I.E.S. cardinal and revolutionary mottos: Progress to Childhood! because Solo es Grande el Hombre que Nunca Pierde su Corazon de Niño.

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Chart and Sponsors F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Zenigata Kuren F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Zenigata is watching you!

The Zenigata Kuren, also wroten Zenigatakuren (銭形区連), is the secret intelligence agency of the World Cup, dependant from the Central Committee, and guarantees the security of the World Cup itself from any "moronormal activity". Its scary and meaningless acronym is 3P, just to scare some douchebag with a mysterious, and silly, alphanumeric. All you have to know about the Zenigata Kuren is our motto, that is "Keep Calm and Mind Your Own Business! Capesh?!"

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Tokyo Central Committee F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

This is my Chart, this is my Cup! This is for killing, this for kidnap!

~ "The Tokyo Chart" motto... You've been warned!

What (the fuck) works and where (the fuck) is located the organizational chart of F.I.E.S.? Nobody knwos, and those who tried to know more than they needed to know, have mysteriously vanished. Somebody says that "The Tokyo Chart" is based in a secret cave under the Ajinomoto Stadium of Tokyo and uses the attractive power of the cup to kidnap users will and consciousness... Using evil sponsors as the Pangasius Ligth in the classical taste of uranium and leachate: I'M LOVIN' DYIN' IT! People rumors that Beru "Beruhiko" Pizuru, the famous commentator of every final match, could be the CEO, supreme soviet and chairman. People rumors that a 17 years old schoolgirl graduated in the Tokyo High Tomobiki Gymnasium, Shinobu Miyake, could be the first lady and the real grey eminence. People rumors that the Gunnery Sergeant Hartman may have the role of "Dodal Spirit of Sadan and Cdhulhu". People rumors... because they do not mind their own business! Anyway, some brave were able to take photos of some of them. And some other people were able to celebrate a funeral. RIP:

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png HI-(empa)TECH F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Empathic Football Rulez F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Data, the Human Modem™ connecting you to the game.
Arcadius Bearzot, the super-perfect-coach™
Whisper words to columns, let it be...
Yes, finally, It – could – work!

Anyone and anything from any country or any planet can partecipe: female, male, LGBTQ, cyborg, skynet, birds, cats, succulent plants... it doesn't matter: come with us and enjoy! It looks like a goliardic cocaine. You have also to know that the standard concept of time here makes little sense. The time in the World Cup flows as in the Island of Lost, understood John?! Ok ok, it is a bat, a butt and a but: But! But, what (the fuck) is the Empathic Football (or Empathic Soccer)? As VERY well explained in the "HoF Eternal Book" the empathic soccer works in that way: HAL-HM-9001™, a human modem (probably Beruhiko Pizuru), invites the teams and connects any player to the cup, materializing the teams 'emselves and analyzing their feelings and attitude to understand the "spirit of the cup". Simultaneously! He organizes the game, but YOU do the game. Those who understand the spirit will continue and will reach the Final. Don't you believe this hi-tech could exist? Is it only science fiction for you? Remember that the central committee is based in Japan and we, the japz, really like wasting our time inventing everything and its opposite, whenever challenging any physics law, so... Yes, We Can! Just take a look to this, and if you still don't believe I will be forced to commit seppuku. Yes, we are also very drammatic. D'oh!

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png The Modern Arcadius F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Seriously, what is the key of success of the cup? One of them is the hi-tech improvement beyond the limits of the absurd, Very Jap! After the experimentation of simple things such as the first self-conscious bot and grizzly bear participating as teams, the "World-Cup-Outside-World", the brainweb radio, the brainweb washing, finally the FIES Laboratories of Hiroshima created the super-perfect-coach, a tin man or Modern Prometheus with the spirit of the cup in his blood, the future and final evolution of the national teams: ladies and gentlemen, Sir Arcadius Bearzot-Cardigenstein III! Created with the spirit of the Italian World Cup winner coach Enzo Bearzot and with the strength of a Tartan Army Boy, this Avatar of you (look, he's blue) is a (mute) mime and perfect trainer, which to temper the teams to better train the columns from the halls of the Parthenon in Athens to the shores of Tripoli arcades in Milan. More advanced than any technology, he also substituded the archaic Google Glasses with the FIES Contact Lenses™, able to transport you into the World Cup wherever you are, also experiencing the typical effects of lysergic hallucinations. Well, "The Column Whisperer" is ready to bring you into space for a new challenge. But remember not to be an "eloitony" because: even if he is mute, in space no one can hear you scream!

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Hall of Fame F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

These are the results of the F.I.E.S. WORLD CUP, its mission is to discover strange, new users and give them a medal, to arrive WHERE NO CUP HAS GONE BEFORE! As you will discover below, the hall of fame of the F.I.E.S. World Cup, reserved to the teams reaching the first 4 places (Gold, Silver, Bronze and Copper), is the only cup allowing the copper medal also for the 4th classified. Nowadays 300 teams reached the hall of fame and 110 of them won the World Cup and the Gold Medal. Btw, how often is organized a World Cup? Depends on Tokyo Chart mood!

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Editions F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Ed. Host (Teams) F.I.E.S. (Gold Medal).png Champion F.I.E.S. (Silver Medal).png Runner-up F.I.E.S. (Bronze Medal).png Third Place F.I.E.S. (Copper Medal).png Fourth Place
001 France (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
002 Brazil (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
003 Sweden (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
004 Argentina (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
005 Poland (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
006 Japan (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
007 Russia (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
008 United States (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
009 Italy (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
010 Uruguay (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
011 Great Britain (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
012 China (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
013 Nigeria (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
014 Germany (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
015 Mexico (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
016 South Korea (16) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
017 Finland (24) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
018 Canada (24) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
019 Spain (24) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
020 Australia (24) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
021 Ukraine (24) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
022 South Africa (32) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
023 Colombia (32) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
024 France (32) WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon WIP - Coming Soon
... ...... (..) .......... .......... .......... ..........

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Medal Table F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Rank T E A M F.I.E.S. (Gold Medal).png Gold Medals F.I.E.S. (Silver Medal).png Silver Medals F.I.E.S. (Bronze Medal).png Bronze Medals F.I.E.S. (Copper Medal).png Copper Medals
1
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
2
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
3
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
4
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
5
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
6
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
7
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
8
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
9
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
10
WIP Work in Progress
X
X
X
X
...
..........
...
...
...
...

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Host Countries F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

I are of pride to FIES hostings!

All countries from whole Earth (and 24 planets from whole Space), organized the World Cup still today (up to the 682nd edition). The Semifinals are held in the 3rd and 4th city of the hosting country, the 3rd Place Final in the second city, the Final in the 1st city (not always the capital, as for example New York and Sydney are chosen instead of Washington and Canberra).

Yes, ok, but how is possible to trip everywhere without any passport or any problem? Remember, this is the Internet World Cup and you are everywhere! And when the central committee decides, you will be teleported Teleport.gif in the Area 51 as well as in Pyongyang Rungrado Stadium... with or without the permission of Any Kim... Yes, we can!

Anyway, this list shows the host countries, in alphabetical order and mental disorder, with the number of organizations shown before each list:

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Prizes, Awards, Ceremonies F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Prizes and Awards F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

This is the delivery boy that will deliver you the prestigious Earwax Medal ®. He's waitin' for tips, so... Never try to piss-off The Tokyo Chart, Never! Shpalman is watching you!

Tokyo Central Committee likes to spend. We have lots of prizes and awards. Internauts don't like too much Yen and so we change the money prize into fuckin' Euros. Blame Euro!

  • Champion: World Cup, Gold Medal, 5,000,000 Euros, 30-days holiday in Tokyo or elsewhere.
    • Sun (small version).jpg Golden Star is the award for the teams winning their 10th World Cup.
    • Neptune (deep blue version).jpg Deep Blue Shield is the award for the teams winning their 5th World Cup.
  • Runner-up: Silver Medal, 2,000,000 Euros, Bottle of Long John Whiskey, 30-days holiday in Tokyo or elsewhere.
  • Third: Bronze Medal, 500,000 Euros, Cameo in Ambered Poop, 30-days holiday in Tokyo or elsewhere.
  • Fourth: Copper Medal, 200,000 Euros, Wooden Spoon, 30-days holiday in Tokyo or elsewhere.
  • Up to Quarterfinals: 25,000 Euros, Participation Souvenir Plate (Marble)
  • Up to Eightfinals: 2,500 Euros, Participation Souvenir Plate (Ceramic)
  • Up to Group Stage: 50 Euros, Participation Souvenir Plate (Wood)
  • Fuckin' Expelled!: Teams convicted for serious crimes againist the World Cup will be crucified in the launchroom and will gain the prestigious "Earwax Medal ®"!

How to recieve your prizes: Some heretics think that the prizes are only fairy tales... Well, to receive your money you have to think that they exist and that they are materializing next to your mouse (or keyboard): imagination is power... Does not happen anything yet? Do you remeber "I do believe in fairies! I do! I do!!" in Peter Pan? Well, so you need to clap and believe... otherwise ask for money to Trilly. And remember: Yakuza The Tokyo Chart sent the prizes to you and it has no debts... You maybe have!

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Cup Winner's Ceremony F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

... You Are The Champion! The Champioooon! Yoooooou Aaaaare!!!

~ FIFA World Cup за Cup Winner's Ceremony anthem

And, btfw, don't forget the Cup Winner's Ceremony. The exceptional documentary below, taken from the extraordinary 155th World Cup and Final in China, shows the spirit of the cup. From 0:00 to 1:15 you can see and well understand the spirit of adventure, bravery and sacrifice that the World Cup means. From 1:15 to 1:40 you can see the ceremony and listen the anthem:

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Self-Award Paradox F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png The Wacky Horror Picture Show F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

Here you can see some pictures of some of the most powerful and historic teams. Be scared! When you'll join the World Cup they'll mash and bury your corpse: In quarterfinals!

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png Literature F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

  • FIES Official Almanac: "My Name is "Cialtron" Heston: Reasons of a Cup" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Official Almanac: "La Reine Soleil: Rise and Downfall of Francy" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Official Almanac: "Challengers Era: the Boring Adventures of Autistic Winners" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Official Almanac: "Dr. Dante vs Mr. PacMan: The Neverending Millennium's Match", now in DVD with entire match, the 32 penalties and the technical comment of Beruhiko Pizuru - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Official Almanac: "The PhilosoPh(D).I.G.A.l Football Rules by Diogenes of Sinope", now with a barrel and a lamp in tribute to the first 100 customers - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Official Almanac: "TEKKAI!!! Ear Yoga! How To Survive the Silly Sport Commentators as Burtholety" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Trilogy - Volume I: "The gastronomic football: from the mussels of Venice-Port Marghera to the infected pangasius of Mekong", in the worst libraries of Caracas - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Trilogy - Volume II: "Chestball History XXX: from the ancient Kingdom of Fran to the People's Repulic of Shera" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Trilogy - Volume III: "The Old Factory of Olfactory Football: How-To win 9 World Cups in a Wool Cup" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Disharmony: "I've seen arcades you people... (The Football Theory revealed by a Column)" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES Disharmony: "All about My Husband from Toronto to Turin (The Dumbass of Madison Cunty)" - ISBN not needed
  • FIES CME Special Editions: "Haiku Soccer - The Art of Trinche from Milville to Švankmajer" - Preface by Ricardo Gareca, ISBN h-a-i-r-e-d

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png See also F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png References F.I.E.S. World Cup.png

F.I.E.S. World Cup.png External links F.I.E.S. World Cup.png